You Have No Idea

Granted it was a year and a half ago [give or take], not a day goes by that I don't think about my accident. In case you have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about, in March of last year I was in a serious motorcycle accident. We were going 90 mph and lost control and, well, needless to say it wasn't pretty. Something like that doesn't simply escape someone's memory. Quite often I have nightmares about it.. it just sort of plays over and over in my head. I thank God everyday that I'm alive, and my scars are a constant, haunting reminder that there is a reason I'm still here. Unfortunately, this does not change the fact that when I think about the wreck, it literally shakes me to my core. I know first hand what it feels like to think you are about to die, and I can tell you with 100% certainty that you have no idea what fear, helplessness, or terror feels like until you have felt this feeling. It is the most overwhelming, terrifying feeling a person can ever feel.. and it changes you. If you are lucky enough to survive, you realize things. You realize that inane things in life really don't matter.. getting your nails done, the drama, not having those concert tickets you want so desperately.. it simply does not matter. In retrospect, had I have.. well, you know.. I would have left a lot of things unfinished. I wouldn't have gotten to tell my family that I loved them that one last time. The last thing I told my mother before I went to Atlanta that spring break was that I would be as careful as possible. I wouldn't have been able to accomplish the things in life I strive so hard to achieve. I was just like everyone else my age, I felt invincible. Nothing could touch me.. none of these terrible things you hear about on tv would ever happen to me. But sliding across asphalt at 90 mph changes that. To hear doctors, lawyers, friends, and family tell you that, given the circumstances, you should be dead.. it changes everything about you. Though I may be scarred in many more ways than one, I'm stronger for it. I'm not the person I was before I got on that bike. To tell you the truth, I don't want to be that girl. As morbid as it may be, I can't help but think what life would be like had I died that night. I would have left my best friend, my mother, with nothing. My father would have lost his pride and joy, as would've the rest of my family. Talk about a guilty conscience. When all is said and done.. don't take your life for granted. Nothing is guaranteed except death and taxes.